The EmPath and the Covert Narcissist Trap

Love is the Key

The EmPath and the Covert Narcissist Trap

If you are an EmPath it is high likely that you have at least one covert narcissist very close to you. And if you doubt this, chances are high that you have a blind spot here. And no, I don´t tell this to scare you, I tell this to

  1. free you
  2. help you understand why they are in your life and
  3. make them serve you, what is turning things upside down.

A covert narc is covert, therefore you don’t see him/her. Many are pretending to be empathic and highly sensitive themselves. They are MM´s (Masters of Manipulation). and know exactly what are your buttons and how they make you trust them. They play with your mind and emotions like a virtuoso musician his instrument. And that is what you are for them: Their instrument. They are great strategic thinkers, even the ones that have no high education or IQ have learned over time to use people, how to navigate others in the direction they want them. How?

  • They pretend to have your best interest
  • They pretend to need some help

The first point will make you trust them. You have to understand that as an EmPath you see the world through your filters and you are almost unable to see these twisted games, as it is simply not the way your own heart and mind is working. You can not understand the setup, therefore you fall into the trap. Something very innocent lives inside of you and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of it, but be proud of the gift that you held precious against all odds. This childlike innocent aspect of yours is beautiful beyond words. Please bring forth another aspect, that is not only taking care of others but of yourself, make sure you take good care of yourself.

The second point is: you almost cannot resist as an empath. If someone might need help you have a deep longing to serve them. I am an EmPath, that´s why I understand these dynamics so well. It always made me happy to have the people around me happy, so I had a lot of covert narcs around, wasting my time, money, attention, energy in all kind of ways. You have to understand that all the Narc is having interest in is having people serve them. Well and the EmPath loves to serve other people..and that’s why Narcs and Empath attract each other. They somehow match an unhealthy way.

I have to tell you something really heartbreaking. They are in your life because you are so beautiful and precious and they want what you have, to use it for their own agenda. And they are in your life as you have learned to serve others, but not to protect yourself, your precious gifts, your innocent inner child, your sensitive being. It is heartbreaking when we understand that we allowed others to misuse us because we thought we can carry all of that because we want to prove that we are capable, worthy and loving. But see – you don’t have to prove it, when you feel it, cause you are it. This is where your healing begins: Inside of you. You and you and nothing shall come between you and you. This healing will come in layers, there will always be situations and persons that will test if you have learned your lesson. They are still showing up in my own life. But they are now serving me, I observe what they do, how the people around react, and I learn. I am a healer of hearts, therefore I study distortion and imbalance and share what I have learned with others, like you, reading this now, here. So the ones that tried to use me are now assisting my path and hereby assisting you. The moment they realize that I will not feed them, but instead that they did what they hate the most: serve others…you can see them run. It’s actually kind of funny to watch this.

This article is inspired by a webinar I have given lately about EmPath (just click on the link for the replay). While the webinar I realized I should make a separate webinar about EmPaths and their relationships, but don’t find the time at the moment, so I wrote this article. If you are an EmPath, please feel invited to use the search function on my blog, as there are more articles about this topic.

So now: How to become free? Learn from your opponent to love, nurture and take care of yourself. Make it a habit to check on yourself if you are fine, what would you make feel happy or relaxed right now. Use your special senses for yourself, anchor within before you go out into this world. If this world is a reflection, it reflects back how you do not take enough care for yourself. See the greatest damage a Covert Narc is causing is not because s/he steals your time/money/energy – but that they keep you away from yourself. That you find it way more important to not disappoint your abuser and that you will do anything to make them happy and to gain their approval. This is your trap, that the moods of others make you their puppet and they play with this and become the puppet masters. Cut the ropes and do whatever makes you happy. Not via others, but you and you, for you, with you.

When cutting the ropes don´t go into arguments, don’t try to explain your behavior and don’t try to expose the Narcs for what they are. They are often the center of the family, company or circle you are in. They will pull you into a drama, discredit you in your surrounding, make you look bad if not even crazy and this would weaken you. There’s a reason why I called it a trap. It’s not easy to get out. I have learned it the hard way. I guess that might be another article to write about. I´m not going into details today, just assure you, you want to go silent, without explanation and exposure. Strengthen yourself and not give any energy or attention towards the Narc and their distorted games. Make your life your own game. Become sovereign, strong and absolutely independent. That’s the moment when your gifts and talents will really come forth. You are a gift, take good care of it. Much Love, Joy & Freedom.



4 Responses

  1. Melissa hanson says:

    Loved your blog. Hope it reaches many

  2. Sam says:

    Thank you for this, trying to cut ropes with a covert narc and going no contact. It is very hard as I am wired to fix and not accept failure. I am finally able to see the pattern of lies and manipulations. Needy (everything around them needs to be fixed, lots of money!), Victim ( everyone has done them wrong, every ex is abuser, but somehow she keeps contact), agitated with smallest critic or stress, avoids any commitment to any plan and focuses on care and love approach vs. cognitive and structured plan to fix things. claims empathy and pretend to care about others. Unfortunately for me she is graduating as a therapist! did all personality test on me and had me figured completely, got me to share pains that I never shared with anyone in my life, very painful experience and I could tell she has done it for years as she is very skilled. don’t picture me as someone ugly, fat or in misery, I was not an easy prey, i was a happy person, very confident, I am educated, very successful and in general street smart ( I know), my major flaw was to trust her and I justified everything, the only way i was able to see was to second guess my trust and to focus on her actions vs her words. She crated a perfect state of confusion and suspense. if I have one advice it is to go no contact and don’t trust anything they say, look at their actions and see the contradictions, how everything is about them and how little they know about you even after months or years. i am getting out after over 120k of direct pay for school, apartment, therapy, car, jewelries, furniture…you name it i got her and i did not care, she was so skillful she could have got more, money aside the worst part was the betrayal of my trust and 9 months of abuse. I learned two fatal flaws about myself, excessive empathy and excessive confidence. grateful for the learning . sharing this so you know it could happen to anyone, don’t beat yourself up, learn from it, cut contacts and LEARN.

    • Natalie says:

      Sorry, dear Sam for answering with such a huge delay. Your comment was hidden under a pile of spam. I hope you have been able to heal and recover from this experience.

      Thanks a lot for sharing, as your description shows very clearly how the predator works. And no, they don´t go after easy prey, so describing yourself as a very skilled and capable person is really important to bear in mind. They go after what they like and adore, to steal it. And if they can not have it, they want to destroy it. It´s also important because falling into such a trap undermines people’s self-worth very often for a long, long time.

      I personally think that empathy and confidence are what this world needs more, not less. But maybe we have to accept that we are not in a friendly environment and that we have to protect those precious gifts. We have to learn to not talk ourselves out of the red flags, but to be decisive and not run into things too fast.

      Wishing you all the best on the first day of a New Year, that may offer New Beginnings in many ways.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *