The Painful Truth about Love
I´m all about Love. But this is the reason why I feel I have to share some insights, that might be a bit sobering or even painful in the beginning. But in the end, it will bring clarity in your life and you will benefit a lot from this. At least that´s what is my intention.
I experienced more than once a period in life when the people that were family and friends let me down when I didn´t pamper them anymore but went through a tough time myself. I wondered why I had to go through this repeatedly, but of course I know now, I needed the replay.
Finally, I found clarity and I remember the sobering moment when I knew: “You don´t love me. You love how you feel, when being around me. Your love will stop the moment I stop doing services.” The truth will set us free.
When people tell us they love us, it´s not really true in most cases. They love the feeling that arises within them when they are with us. Our language is kind of smoke-screening us in this case. Love is a very special feeling that is arising within us. Often it is the way we react on someone’s actions. Someone who is bringing us flowers or treating us very nice and gentle creates beautiful emotions in us. It doesn’t mean at all that we truly love the other. It simply means that we love the services the other is providing. And someone who tells us that s/he loves us might be simply in love with what we are providing to them.
EmPaths might fall into this trap very easily, as they sense the joyful feeling within the other and believe it is about them. But truth is that other people’s feelings are very seldom about us, no matter if they are positive or negative, they do not really have something to do with us.
Imagine you, baking a cake, lemon cake for example and offering it to someone. In case this person likes lemon cake, she will be delighted. In case she dislikes lemon cake but loves chocolate cake she might be disappointed. The other one is making your action all about themselves. People create a story out of your baking mood. A story that hasn´t much to do with you, but is about their preferences and interpretations. Maybe they will take the whole thing even really, really personal. They might get upset because you didn´t know that they don´t like lemon cake and start disliking you. Or they remember that they have told you before that they dislike lemon cake and start thinking you offered the wrong kind of cake out of bad intent. Or the opposite. They love lemon cake, find him totally yummy and tell you that they love you. They don´t. They love to enjoy lemon cake and you delivered it. But it really had nothing to do with you, it´s been about them.
Why did I tell you such a sobering eye-opener? To spare you pain and confusion on the long run. If you understand the dynamics you will see through other peoples actions…and also unmask your own intentions. Don´t judge the other or yourself. It is absolutely normal on this planet to have the “traders mind love”. Nothing wrong about it doing businesses, as long as both sides are aware of it, that it is business and how the terms of condition look like. And there are terms of conditions. That´s why we speak of unconditional love when there are no terms of condition involved.
From an outside perspective, things are often quite obvious. You might see that Peter married Susan because she is beautiful and a good housewife (delivers his preferred services). Well, and she married him because he´s successful and she loves the feeling of safety his income provides. They made a contract without being aware of it, a contract of exchanging services. Most people are not aware of that unspoken contract, which makes it worse. It´s the reason why they stop loving each other over time and why their feelings get hurt. If you realize later you´ve been married because of your money or your beauty, you feel hurt.
In my own case, as a typical EmpPath, I loved the feeling to be loved. It took me many years until I realized what was wrong with my relationships and friendships. And yes, I see that this article might cause you anger or pain. But he may spare you so much more. Being delusional is providing us
Having clarity will spare us lots of time, money, pain. It is making life so much easier. When we see things for what they are, we can still enjoy them, but we will make different choices.
Unconditional Love is a very, very rare thing on this planet until now. Everybody wants it, but almost no one can give it. For me, it is true Love. The most precious thing on this planet. It can not be traded, only gifted.